He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
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