Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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