im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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