Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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