Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
