The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
