Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize