At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
A bitchslap is in order.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
