That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Randomize