when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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