I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Randomize
