He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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