Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
