Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
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