hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I love having hate sex.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
