i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize