forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
