I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
