you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
