Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
