she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
