And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
