Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
