I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Its about making memories worth repressing
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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