I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
