White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
