He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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