Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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