her vagine was all disorganized.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
