I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Drunk is not a location!
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize