if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize