So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
