she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize