Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
