I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
barbara walters just said penis...
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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