I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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