It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
