i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I can't put those talents on a resume
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
