I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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