Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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