Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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