you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
