yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
