Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
How does one acquire holy water?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
