how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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