Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
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