People in love make me want to vomit
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
