The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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