singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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