my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
