I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
