I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
