The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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