And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
it's great music for shaving your balls
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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