GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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