she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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