If i come over, it means nothing
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
