Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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