The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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