Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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