if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
This is not my ceiling
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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