Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
