so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
