My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
