they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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