All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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