Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
