how can u be prego again
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
