You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
