Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
