So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
